Who I Am3 min read

I am a boring person. That isn’t what people see when they interact with me. It is definitely true though. I just want to read things and listen to music I have heard a hundred times in the background.

Every interaction is a chance for me to gain new knowledge. I have a proclivity to do nothing but entertain myself. With someone who isn’t interesting, I play a role that is fun for me. For someone who is, I naturally play a role that makes them comfortable or to behave in a certain way.

People and Entertainment

There are only a few people I know who seem to enjoy just doing knowledge transfers back and forth. Most people around me just see me act witty and silly. They can respond in kind or not. I still get my entertainment.

I have certain friends that I behave in a way that could be seen as mean. You could say I am trolling them. That isn’t quite right though. I am pushing boundaries in a way that results in interesting responses. I do the same with my daughter in a more muted fashion.

Everyone behaving in an optimal way at all times would be boring. Someone has to be wrong in order for someone else to be right. We all have our foibles. The question is do you hide once yours come to light?

Friendly Trolling

There is definitely such a thing as unfriendly trolling. The reaction you are looking for in that case is one of anger, usually.

Friendly trolling is one where you look for an uncomfortable or embarrassed reaction. It is one where the other person can laugh at it later. It is really, really common with guys in my experience. A light form would be called ribbing.

For me, I go the next step. That person will almost always see nothing of me besides the troll. I have a lot of “avatars” in my head that allow me to behave in different ways. I am always responding to what the other person is saying. I don’t choose the avatar normally. The part of me that responds is just the one who gets most excited and comes out of my mouth.

There are certain people who I enjoy very much who see nothing but an avatar that is a troll. This avatar is the same one who would love to see me go on Twitter or a forum and poke at people until they explode. I know that avatar is within me. I feel like this is another one of my shadows, and is just well integrated.

People With Meaning

Life is generally about meaning. I can’t see it any other way.

It is easy to see that people can have non-traditional relationships based on respect. I can troll you and you can ham up your response. There is a reality in it that we are acting out. As we take that act further out of the basement and out into the daylight, it becomes obvious that it is all okay.

Who knows how long relationships like that will last. If either person ends up being one dimensional, everything could fall apart. What if the trolling gets boring? Who wants to always be trolled? What happens if the thing that the troll is picking on goes away completely?

I think that is where being a multifaceted person is important. If someone stops responding to one of my avatars, another will come forward. My only hope is that the one who will come forward will be a nice one. My fear is that I still have avatars that I have not tamed and integrated.

There is meaning in suffering. No one will suffer when they don’t have to though.

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